Date of Award

2023

First Advisor

John Myers

Second Advisor

Chris Coggins

Third Advisor

Anne O'Dwyer

Abstract

Imagine, if you will, a void. Perfectly split, half deep black and half radiant white. This is the dual nature of life with borderline personality disorder: soaring highs and crushing lows, unconditional trust and seething paranoia. Having BPD fundamentally alters the way in which you interact with the world and everything in it, including the beauty of song. Music has played an integral part in my life. It has always accompanied me, by my side as I have experienced crushing emptiness and pristine euphoria. For my thesis, I sought to express myself. I wanted to reflect on who I am and what I have done with my life thus far, and I wanted to do it through music. Before I knew who I was and what was wrong with me, I knew music. It is my life’s one constancy. I set out to write and produce a set of songs that reflect upon my thoughts, emotions, and values. My work is not limited to any one genre or style; rather, it draws inspiration from countless styles and artists. In my thesis paper, I describe in brief my life with borderline personality disorder and how it affects my approach to music, as well as the production process behind all the songs I have written for this project.

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